


Pressure

by TWE



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Emo, M/M, sad sad Al, sort of first person but not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 19:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5797711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWE/pseuds/TWE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alphonse has come to the realisation that he is holding his brother back</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pressure

**Author's Note:**

> I had a bad day. This came in 10 minutes.

It’s all about pressure.

 

Sometimes it’s the subtle lick of a word out of place in an otherwise dull lecture, and sometimes it’s the slightly off kilter smile of another you’ve known for longer than you’ve known yourself. The subtle change of perfume in the air which lingers with the scent of sex and regret and sometimes it’s the ache in your heart from an unspoken and unrealised jealousy.

 

Sometimes it’s less than subtle, like the sunshine blinding you while you’ve been watching the cloud it was hidden behind moments ago.

 

Sometimes it’s the blaring of a horn as you walk across what you thought was an empty street.

 

Sometimes it’s as obvious as a friend telling you they have cancer and it doesn’t quite sink into your brain.

 

Sometimes the pressure is like a rose on your lips or a name left hanging in the air.

 

It can be the tears that well in your eyes, or the shake of your hands before you wrap them around your cup.

 

The cold can settle in your chest and suddenly your skin doesn’t feel like your own. Where the bright of the world is replaced by the darker side of twilight but the stars are nowhere to be seen.

 

A headache once thought to be a hangover and now known to be depression as it moves to your heart and holds it like a cold fist demanding recompense for staying away as long as it had.

 

The best friend saying they’d be there and then missing the most important facts.

 

The victim screaming when they’re not even the one in trouble.

 

I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Honestly I don’t think you’d listen or understand if I said it to you properly.

 

It’s the pressure of knowing you’re in love but not being able to do anything about it. Knowing you’re so close and so far away at the same time to the point it feels like the knife in your chest twisting a little tighter each day.

 

I wish the pressure sometimes was your kiss. Or a kind word. Or a hug or smile meant for just me and not everyone else before it reaches me.

 

I wish we could share the same breath of a morning. To thread our fingers like we used to laying nose to nose with eachother.

 

I wish home still felt like home.

 

It’s all about pressure.

 

Where you work too hard, don’t get enough reward and are still expected to do it all again the next day. It’s the fight for life when life doesn’t want to be fought for and all you want to do is tell it to go away.

 

No. Not go away.

 

FUCK OFF.

 

To tell the world to leave you alone so you can cry and sort out these feelings for yourself. To be able to sleep and not dream of the day where the last touch of you I had was before I woke like this.

 

I wish I could pull my knees to my chest and be able to just spill these words to you.

 

This pressure is in my chest every day where my heart used to be and I hate it. I hate what it does to you and the pressure of it wearing you down.

 

I know you. You’re holding back. Because you think you can handle this yourself. Brother, I know you. You’re not handling it well.

 

The way your hand fists and the way your eyes close when you look up. The way the rain hits your face the same way his does when you want to hide the fact that you’re finally letting the walls you built crack. You think no one can see.

 

I can see.

 

That’s why I have to do this, brother.

 

You need to let go of the pain and the past and the pressure and accept that sometimes you can’t change what is going on.

 

You’re falling.

 

Sometimes the pressure it….it makes you fall.

 

But brother….this time? Let him catch you.


End file.
